The gifts with the greatest value: my personal Rosebud

One thus remembers Citizen Kane, the black-and-white masterpiece by the late Orson Welles, a movie that touched a generation of moviegoers. This film left a deep mark in me not because of its political connotations but because of one individual theme that seems to permeate much of the movie.The search for the meaning of Rosebud, the word Charles Foster Kane uttered before he died.  

There are a number of existential themes which are deftly exposed by this movie. The search for power for power's sake, collective consciousness, manipulation of the masses, political partisanship, human stupidity, alcoholism, violence, among others. However one of the most important underlying themes of this extraordinary black and white film of the 40s is the search for the meaning of Rosebud. No one knows what the protagonist meant upon having whisped "Rosebud" a few seconds before he died. The meaning of the word becomes the obsessive raison d'être of this move. The protagonist, Charles Foster Kane, is a man who possess immense wealth and controls a vast newspaper publishing empire, therefore controlling the media and political opinion. However, he fails to find happiness in his lifetime. As he lingers on his deathbed, he recalls his happy and worry-free childhood in Colorado.

It is only at the end of the movie, as the object of Kane's fantasy accidentally burns up, that the meaning of Rosebud is finally - almost fleetingly - revealed. It is the word that is inscribed on the wooden frame of the sled with which Kane played as a child, during a childhood which was presumably marked by poverty. This object, this toy, of which Kane dreams about, and whose meaning is only revealed after his death, presumably reminded him of an elusive love, of a happy childhood, a happiness which he could never achieve despite his enormous wealth and power.

It begs the question: does everybody have a Rosebud? Is it possible that as one approaches the final moment of one's life, the focus thoughts harkens back to the unconditional love of a parent during childhood? Do childhood experiences, no matter where and when, establish the standard with which one judges and senses the meaning of happiness for the rest of one's life? Will an unhappy, or even tragic childhood mar the ability to experience happiness later in adulthood or does it actually enhance the perception of joy? How does poverty during childhood affect one's perception of happiness in adulthood? These questions are generated by the underlying theme of this masterful film. There is in fact an object, a simple toy, that has so much meaning to Kane, that he finds it difficult to describe it to the people that know him, even the few who are close to him. During his life, the sled becomes a sort of taboo subject which could only be mentioned in his final moments.

It is not my place and it is not the time to describe those moments or objects which define the happy moments of my own childhood.  There are many - I had a particularly intense and rich childhood. I can understand, however, how any man, who endured hardship during a difficult childhood (presumably Kane's reality) will recall one single object which defines a happy moment in ancestral memory.

As for the personal meaning of the story to me, I do identify one gift I received which is one of "my personal Rosebuds". It is a gift I received which is close to my heart, my own Rosebud. A gift of immense value.

My personal Rosebud is a small notebook with 100 colorful, hand-written recommendations which list reasons to enjoy life. It was written by a lively, optimistic, and talkative teenager, wise beyond her years and given to me on my 55th birthday. I received the small notebook listing 100 reasons to be happy, one on each page, written one page at a time, each page with a different drawing, a different proverb, different colors, every page filled with the love that only I could understand and that only a sensitive teenager could engender. It might be worth mentioning that I received the notebook as a gift, at a time during which I had experienced profound loss and had gone through a period of deep questioning, feeling forlorn, feeling destitute and rootless, indeed, a time of despair. This hand-written notebook constitutes a sort of lighthouse in the fog, my own personal Rosebud. This notebook was written with love, attention to detail, by someone whose main interest was to see me do well in life and move on after loss, after a period of sadness. My personal Rosebud, a notebook written by my own daughter at age 15.